I recently discovered that I had a crap load of rules for my communication with others. I had so many rules about my communication, that I couldn't speak without breaking one, and if I was trying not to break one, I simply didn't know what to say. Here's a sampling:
Don't:
Gossip
Interrupt
Talk too much
Brag
Be phony
Be annoying
Make anyone feel bad or hurt their feelings
Sound stupid
Make anyone else look bad
Make myself look bad
Be passive-aggressive
Be bossy
Complain
Whine
Withhold
Feel sorry for myself
Talk when there's no one listening
Cuss
Say things that don't matter
Be defensive
Make excuses
Be arrogant
Be insecure
Be anxious
And the list goes on. These rules came from years and years of learning about communication, from the first time my parents told me never to lie at the age of 4 to the last bit of feedback I got on my performance review.
I had a very profound breakthrough in courage and self expression lately that exploded all of my rules. That doesn't mean I'm going to start communicating in all of the ways listed. That means I'm now more aware of the conversations in my head that limit me, and I can choose to communicate out of a commitment to share myself and make a difference rather than a commitment to looking good and being perfect.
In what ways do you withhold yourself from others and limit your self expression? Do you put yourself in a box and hide who you really are and how you really feel because that's the way you've been taught?
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When you try NOT to communicate for fear of being any of the above it doesn't allow others to get to know you. I think the key is just being honest and ready for feedback if you DO come across as any of the above. The more genuine you are the more you allow people get to know the real you.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is going to do at least one of these per day, and the real value comes from either calling your friends/co-workers on the above, or realizing that it doesn't make them a bad person. They're just human. :)